Pickup Artistry and Magic

Rich Ferguson recently came out with a book called Tricks to Pick Up Girls. You can buy it here if the mood strikes or you're into this sort of thing. Nevertheless, this topic and the title Rich selected for his book have a remarkable ability to induce bizarre behavior in magicians. Symptoms include self-righteous moralizing about how the dating scene should work, the constant repetition of trite platitudes, the desire to start flame wars, and spontaneous rage vomiting. Yes, we're at that old crossroads again of the pickup artist community versus everybody else.

I bring this up because I've seen people talking about Rich's book and I notice that the majority of its critics have not actually read it. Nor have they read any book or newsletter or message board or what have you on the subject of pickup. But they are just so bloody certain that those Michael J Fox movies and their grandmas were right with their overly simplistic morals about how to get the girl at the end of the day, and god have mercy on you if you ever have the audacity to have an opinion that is not the same as theirs. Some of them will flame you, but be prepared also for a round of guys ready to play White Knight and claim that the fact that they are not single at this moment makes them undisputed masters on the subject.

And yet... I who have read these books am a much more affable and entertaining performer than most of these guys. I'm not even saying that to brag. Thanks to YouTube and Vimeo one can get a good look at the performances of just about any magician these days. And most of us it seems are still convinced that the ability to manipulate pasteboard is all you need to be up to your eyebrows in tail and adoring fans.

It's actually in the best interest of the aspiring magician or mentalist to give a look at some of this pickup material. Sure, grab Rich Ferguson's book if you like. I don't have it, but he has a pretty good track record of material as far as I'm aware. But have you considered perhaps also picking up "Rules of the Game" by Neil Strauss? How about "Double Your Dating" by David DeAngelo? And I know what you're thinking. "Alex, this is all well and good for a charismatic exemplar like yourself, but why should I read these things? How is this in my best interest?"

Magic is an interactive artform. Say what you want about pickup artists, but the truth is that these guys are dedicated to using observation, experimentation, and science to achieve a deeper understanding of social interaction for the benefit of everyone involved. Like magicians, they are conducting a highly advanced study in psychology in real time.

Part of the problem is that most people do not believe that social skills are actually skills. Seriously. The most common rhetoric I hear bandied about is, "You either get it or you don't." This illustrates the concept of the Johari window however. It's a simple four square diagram showing the types of knowledge/awareness.

1. Unconscious Incompetence. This means you don't know what you don't know. If you don't know that a skill, concept, or thing exists, you can't explain it or define it.
2. Conscious Incompetence. This is the point where you know something exists, you just don't know much if anything about it. I know wine comes from grapes and there's a fermentation process, but if you asked me to make a specific type of wine like a merlot, I wouldn't be able to do it even with access to a facility. I know it exists, just not how it works.
3. Conscious Competence. This is the bulk of the learning process. You know how things work and you're slowly working your way to mastery. Most of the skills you're learning at this moment are in this phase.
4. Unconscious Competence. At this point, you're so good at what you're doing that you don't have to think about it. It comes naturally and effortlessly to you.

So when you hear someone saying that social skills cannot be explained in books and that you either get it or you don't, what quadrant do you think they're in? Which one do you think you're in right now?

Go to a Barnes & Noble or something this week, take a look at a pickup artist book and consider the advice therein applied to the larger social spectrum. Some of you probably think you're already pretty good with people. I guarantee you can do better. Some of you may be shy and are still trying to improve. This will help. Some of you probably think you're good enough already. No you're not. There's always room for improvement. If you don't want to spend the money on these books, some are available at the library. So what are you waiting for? You have nothing to lose.

Until next time.